This guest post is by Andrea, a birthmother.
Before I found out I was pregnant, placing a baby for adoption wasn’t something I really thought about.
I never thought it was a decision I’d have to make.
I didn’t think I’d ever see a pregnancy test until I was married and ready.
But life doesn’t always happen the way we plan it.
Sometimes we have to make hard, rash decisions that we don’t think we would ever have to make.
And sometimes we really do have to put others before ourselves.
Here are some things that I wish I knew before I had to make that big life-changing decision to place my baby for adoption.
1. It will be the hardest decision you ever have to make.
Before I found out I was pregnant, the hardest decision I ever had was deciding what I was going to eat.
And even when I made my adoption plan I thought it would be easy.
I honestly thought the hardest part would be answering questions. That leaving the hospital without a baby would be easy because I wouldn’t have parent duties.
That was so far from true.
2. Not everyone will support your decision.
Not surprisingly I had family and friends that didn’t support my decision.
I had a friend tell me that “God gave you this child and you need to parent it. It’s a gift.” That only made my decision to place that much harder.
My only concern was for my unborn child. She needed more than what I could provide at that time in my life.
Hearing people that loved and cared for me say they didn’t support me made me feel like garbage and that I wasn’t worthy of life after adoption. It was HARD.
3. Things won’t always be perfect.
Some days will be harder than others. Sometimes you wont want to get out of bed.
Lots of tears will be shed. You will question yourself and everything in your life. But that’s ok.
Because everything will work out in the end. Somehow.
Seeing your birth child thrive in their life makes all of the tears and pain worth it.
4. Your relationship with the adoptive parents won’t be easy.
You will fight. Someone will say something wrong and someone will have their feelings hurt.
Sometimes someone might pull away.
Guess what? They are your family until you die.
You are stuck with these people forever. Keep in mind that just as sure as a fight will start, it will end.
Your relationship will always be changing and it will always be different.
But they will always love you and be there for you because of the amazing gift you gave them.
5. There is life after adoption
It’s hard to believe it right now as you’re so wrapped up in grief but there is life after this!
This might be the hardest thing you’ll ever experience but great things are in store as well.
Go get a college degree or do the things you’ve always dreamed of doing that will help your future.
Part of the placement experience is giving ourself a second chance to do things you’ve dreamed about.
Find ways to improve your life so that you can have more kids in the future, if you choose to.
You will fall in love and that person will support your adoption decision.
Great things will happen because you are amazing, brave and selfless!
As you consider adoption for your baby, you will likely have so many questions and thoughts running through your head. Trust me, I know!
Pause, take a deep breath, and reach out to someone you can trust to help guide you through this beautiful, yet hard journey.
It isn’t always the popular way to go, but it is worth it in the end.
Things have a way of working out for good. I promise!
Andrea is a hairstylist, student and pug mama.