Is there anything more difficult than creating an adoption plan for your baby?
How about finding the right adoptive parents?
In some ways, selecting a family is just as, if not more challenging than choosing adoption in the first place.
With so many prospective single parents and couples to choose from, it’s hard to know where to start. Or where you’ll end up.
At first glance, all of the hopeful parents you’ll come across will seem so appealing. What’s to say you’ll find the right ones? Or that the ones you choose will follow through on their promises and won’t close down the adoption?
The truth is, you won’t know.
That’s why it’s important to take as much time as you need to do your research, gather as much information as you can, and listen to your gut.
But if you want to be extra sure the family you choose is a good fit for you, here are 7 warning signs to watch for.
1. They don’t seem interested in you
Creating a strong and genuine connection with hopeful adoptive parents prior to placing your baby with them is the key to building a lasting relationship afterwards.
However, if you feel like all you are for them are means to an end and that they have no interest in you or in your hopes and dreams for the future, it’s time to get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.
2. Their focus is solely on your baby
Adoption is a two-way street. You may be worried that the adoptive family won’t like you. Just remember: They need you as much as you need them.
So if you find that you’re doing all of the work in your relationship and that all they’re thinking about is the baby, chances are you don’t have a future together.
3. They’re too busy to talk to you
Preparing for a new baby can be a crazy time for waiting parents. But amid the myriad of things they need to do to prepare their home for their new addition, there’s one person they should always have time for: you.
If, however, they’re too busy to talk to you or you’re made to feel like you’re a burden on them, it’s a strong sign that you’re not meant for each other.
4. You can’t relate to them
Placing a child for adoption isn’t a one-off event. Once the placement occurs, your baby’s adoptive parents will become members of your extended family.
When it comes to values and beliefs, you need to be on the same page. If you aren’t, keeping in touch with your child’s family after the placement could be tricky.
5. They don’t make you feel good about yourself
Creating an adoption plan is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do. And one of the most challenging aspects of it will be dealing with other people’s reactions.
Many people won’t understand your decision. If the family that you choose to adopt your baby also makes you feel uncomfortable about your choice and yourself, go out and find a new one that does.
6. They act as if you’ve already made your decision
As a expectant mother considering adoption you have the right to change your mind any time up until the placement—and depending on the laws of your state, afterwards as well. The waiting parents know this.
If they act as if the placement is a done deal and put pressure on you to go forward with it before you’re ready to do so, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
7. You can’t picture a future with them
When choosing adoptive parents for your baby, it’s helpful to project what your relationship with them will look like down the road. How do you see things unfolding in 5, 10 or 15 years?
If you find that you can’t picture them in your life, that could be another strong indication that you need to find a new family.
Finding adoptive parents for your baby is an exciting but stressful time. Although there’s no guarantee that the family you pick will be right for your baby, there are signs you can watch for now to help you make the best decision you can.
Want to learn more about placing your baby for adoption?
Looking for adoptive parents for your baby? Check out our adoption profiles.