“The Best Things In Life Are Meant To Be Shared”: A Letter To My Son’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Tysie Stoyan, an adoptive mother.

I’ll be honest: I was scared to death of having an open adoption at first.

I had heard so many horror stories that all I could think of was all the things that could go wrong after I adopted my son, Zane.

But from Day One, I had a special connection with his birthmother, and the more I got to know her the more comfortable I became.

It was like the adoption was meant to be.

I knew I had to put my fears aside and put my whole heart into Zane’s family not only for his sake, but for theirs too.

Jasmine, his birthmother, had put her heart into mine and trusted us to give him the best life possible.

Jasmine, Zane’s birthmother; Zane, and me.

When I saw how much pain she was in after making the hardest decision in her life, I knew I owed her that much.

I am grateful for this woman every day of my life and I want to make sure she knows it.

I feel like I owe her the world because she has given me the chance at motherhood.


I’m so thankful that she went against her first choice and decided not to have a closed adoption.

She is now part of our family.  It has been a hard, emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows  for both of us, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Zane is one lucky little boy to have so much love and I couldn’t have asked for a better open adoption.


Here’s a copy of a letter I wrote to Jasmine and Zane’s birthfather that I gave her after his birth, just before we all left the hospital. 

Our words cannot contain all the love and emotions of the life gift called adoption. For this adoption of Zane is truly a gift from God and that is what Zane is: God’s gift.  

I thank God every day that he put you and your family in our path. You and PJ are some of the greatest people I know.

I have only had a short time to get to know you guys, but we will have the rest of our lives to grow together as a family.

I am so thankful for your decision to keep this adoption open, knowing it will be hard, amazing, beautiful, up and down but still the best thing for Zane’s upbringing.    

You guys are some the most unselfish people I know.

I know this has to be one of the hardest choices you have ever had to make or will ever have to make, but you made it for the love of your child and I can’t thank you enough.


I can’t express enough how grateful we are for this gift. For a gift I couldn’t ever experience in my life.  

And most of all want to thank you for being kind enough to allow me to experience the full process of carrying a child and his birthing and even getting to share this motherhood with you.

The best things in life are meant to be shared.

I know Zane’s adoption will be the experience of a lifetime for both of us. I am so excited to keep sharing this adventure and journey with you guys.

I know I can never repay you for all this ever, but I know the only way I can is to give Zane the best life possible.

Thank you guys so much for making my dream come true and giving me the best gift of a lifetime.

I promise you I will provide him with the best life and love anyone could ask for. I will raise him to become one the best men you’ll ever meet.

I will help him succeed in his dreams and loves and passions in life.  And most of all, I will let him know his birthparents’ and siblings’ love for him.  

This is why I chose open adoption. It’s because he deserves that love too.

I believe that open adoption makes him even more loved than the average kid because he will have two families that will want the best for him and fill his life with love and happiness.  

Every day I am grateful you and your family and beautiful Zane …

From the grateful hearts of friends who are now part of a family,


Tysie and Chris  

Tysie Stoyan is a 29-year-old mother to an adopted son and step mom of a 7-year-old boy.  A business owner and cancer warrior, she’s been married two years to an amazing man!

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