Birthmother? Adoptive Mother? Or Just Plain Mother? I’m All Three And Proud Of It

This guest blog is by Katelyn, a birthmother, adoptive mother, biological mother, and blogger.

Let me start by introducing myself. I’m Katelyn and I blog over at My Angels from God. I say “Angels” because I have had the privilege of being a birthmother to Ally, born 5/10/07, as well as an adoptive mother to Cayden, born 4/19/07, and a biological mother to Jaxson, born 3/21/11.

If you’re confused about Ally’s and Cayden’s birth dates, I’ll get to them in a sec. Suffice to say, because I wear every title of motherhood, May is always a special yet emotional month for me.

I relinquished my rights to Ally on Birthmother’s Day. When Mother’s Day arrived the next day, I had already become a birthmother.


I remember that when I first heard Ally was due at the end of May, my first thought was “at least I’ll be pregnant at Mother’s Day.” But it didn’t work out that way. Ally was born prematurely.

Originally, I planned on being in the hospital for only 48 hours. But because Ally had trouble breathing and a tough delivery, I ended up staying four days. So I was in the hospital with her for both Birthmother’s Day and Mother’s Day.

To me, the right to be called a mother and celebrate Mother’s Day does not happen just because you have a child. No, it means so much more.

My Story Gives New Meaning To Motherhood

Growing up, I had an amazing mother. She taught me so many things and loved me unconditionally — even when I made really stupid choices. For the short time that I was Ally’s mother, I too loved her unconditionally and made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure her happiness.

I made the greatest choice of love by giving her a mother and father who could care for her and see that she would never want for anything. Because Ally’s birthfather wasn’t exactly supportive throughout my pregnancy I didn’t know how supportive he would be after it.

I wanted more than anything to be a mother to Ally. But even more than that, I wanted her to have a daddy she could run to whenever she wanted to. Without knowing what future Mother’s Days and Birthmother’s days would hold for me, I celebrated the next year with close friends and family, remembering the days I spent with my sweet baby.

But April of 2009 brought a whole new meaning to motherhood when I met the love of my life and his adorable son, Cayden. My now husband was then a single father to a son who was oddly enough just three weeks older than Ally.

That Mother’s Day in 2009 was a real eye opener for my future husband. I was stuck in limbo. I wasn’t Cayden’s mother yet but knew that I would be. And I wasn’t Ally mother any more but I had been.

To put it mildly, I was an emotional basket case. My future husband did his best to console me but it was no use. I needed to grieve the loss of one child and mourn not yet having the other.

Mother’s Day and Birthmother’s Day Are Special To Me

I survived, as we always do, and realized how sacred and special Mother’s Day and Birthmother’s Day are. Every year I celebrate not only for myself but for other mothers who I dearly love.

On Birthmother’s Day I celebrate Cayden’s birthmother and the sacrifice she made for me. The love she showed her child in allowing me to be his mother.

I also celebrate my own choice to allow a woman named Lori to become Ally’s mother. She has molded Ally into the amazing and loving little girl she is today.

On Mother’s Day, I celebrate Lori and everything she has done for Ally and for me. She has been a friend to me through the years and has been an amazing example of what a mother truly is.

To me, a mother is more than flesh and blood. A mother is your best friend, your confidant, your shoulder to cry on, your shopping buddy, your words of wisdom when challenges lay ahead. To me, being a mother is something that is earned, not just given.

Katelyn is a birthmother, adoptive mother and biological mother. Learn more about her story at Angels From God.

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