A Birthmother’s Advice On Picking Parents for Your Baby

This guest post is by Gina Crotts, a birthmother.

Pregnant? Thinking of adoption? Looking for the perfect parents for your baby?

Well, the first thing you need to know is that there are no perfect parents — no magic list of qualifications to base your decision off of.

No one can tell you which couple (or single waiting parent) is best for you and your baby.

It’s a decision as in-depth as choosing adoption — a leap of faith that only you can measure.

Once I made the decision to place my baby for adoption and the word got out, I had couples reaching out to me left and right.

I was overwhelmed with phone calls, emails, and letters from couples I didn’t even know.

At that time, I wasn’t in a space to make another giant decision. It took me months to decide on adoption and now I had the pressure of picking the perfect couple for my baby.

I needed to settle into my decision before I could even consider looking at couples. I needed that moment where my baby was still just mine and mine alone.

When you open your mind to choosing parent(s) for your baby, you also open the thought that your baby is no longer just yours. This was a difficult space for me.

I needed time where my baby was simply my baby, even if it was a short moment.

I had chosen adoption and that was clear to me, but opening this journey to strangers was another big step.

Don’t panic if you are in this space. It’s alright to take your time.

This time, where your precious baby is growing inside of you, is yours alone. Cherish it and marvel at the beauty of it, if you can.

The time will come when your mind and heart will be prepared to start the process of choosing parent(s) for your baby.

This time is different for all of us. In my personal experience, I got to a point in my pregnancy where I was prepared to share the milestones with her new family.

I don’t know what shifted, but once it did, I found myself excited to begin the process of looking at profiles.

But if you can’t have the perfect parent because there is no such thing, how do you make the perfect decision?

I’ll admit, I did not go in with a list of qualifications. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t grow up thinking this was ever a decision I would have to make.

No one said to me, prepare to share half of yourself with complete strangers and by the way, you will have to pick them out among hundreds, if not thousands, of hopeful couples.

There is nothing that can prepare you. You must listen from within.

It’s been 17 years since I looked at parent(s) profiles, and I know things have changed, but the decision process is all the same.

I was shown 10 hard-copy profiles at a time, presented by my social worker. Some included photos and some did not.

The first five profiles that I looked at, I read the first two sentences and knew they weren’t the ones. I knew instantly.

I didn’t look back over them, once I felt that initial “no thank you” I moved to the next.

The following five profiles felt alright. I can’t say I was jumping for joy, again this is still a difficult decision to make.

I was allowed to take these five profiles home and read over them. Right away, I had cut my 10 down to 5, simply by listening from within.

Whether you believe in God or a higher power, you have something within you that nudges you to make decisions.

If you believe in prayer, pray. If you believe in a higher power, look towards it for guidance.

If you simply know how the “push” feels, every day as you make decisions, listen to it.

That which is calling from within is there to help you. Listen to it and go with your first initial thought when you’re searching.

It took me another two weeks before I was prepared to look back at those five profiles.

I found them stashed under my bed one morning and I decided it was time to look over them again.

One couple, in particular, stuck out to me. The wife had mentioned that she was adopted as a baby.

I liked that she would be able to answer any question my baby may have about being adopted.

This resonated with me and in the end, this was the couple I picked.

Don’t search for the perfect parents (or parent), you won’t find them. Look for the signs that call to you.

Seek out the parent(s) who are allowing their true self to shine through in their profiles.

Listen to yourself — you will be guided — and trust your intuition. When you find them, you’ll know and the love for your baby will grow.

Gina Crotts is a birthmother. To read more about Gina and follow her adoption story, go to www.ginacrotts.com

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