If you’re pregnant and thinking about adoption, chances are you’ve got some pretty big questions weighing on your mind right now.
- Am I doing the right thing?
- How do I know I’m not making a mistake?
- Will I regret my decision later?
And probably
- Does giving up my baby make me a bad person?
Giving up a baby for adoption is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do. The fact you’re wresting with your decision not only speaks to the depth of what you’re considering, it also shows that you care about your baby and what’s best for her.
And there’s nothing bad about that.
Although about half of all pregnancies in the U.S. today are unplanned, less than 1% of them result in adoption.
That’s a pretty small percentage. No wonder you’ve got questions.
Going against the grain is never easy.
But that doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you different.
And being different often means that you’ll be judged — in some cases favorably, in other cases not.
Nobody wants to think of themselves as a bad person. And yet the only one who can make you feel that way is you — if you allow it to happen.
Just remember that whatever you decide to do, it’s your baby and it’s your decision.
People will give you all kinds of advice about what you should do, and that’s all fine and good
Some of them, for instance, will tell you that they could never give their baby away for adoption.
But that’s just the point. They’re not you.
They don’t know the challenges you’re facing. They don’t know what you’re going through. They don’t know that even though there’s nothing in the world you want more than to raise your baby, you also know that you’re not in a position to do it.
Not to worry, you’re not alone.
Each year, thousands of women find themselves in a similar situation where their lives suddenly feel like they’ve spun out of control and where the solution they’re considering makes them feel isolated and confused, cut off from the rest of society.
And yet despite the pain it brings, many of them do move forward with their adoption plan because they feel it’s the best decision they can make.
Adoption isn’t about bad people giving up their babies to good families. It’s not about “giving up” babies at all.
It’s about “creating an adoption plan” and finding a loving home for your baby when you’re not ready or able to parent.
With open adoption, you not only have the option to choose your baby’s parents, you can be actively involved in their life as they grow older.
Every case is different
That said, many women choose open adoption because they want their baby to have a better life than the one they can offer and to pursue their own hopes and dreams.
Although it’s painful, they say that keeping in touch with their child and watching her or him grow helped them in the healing process.
Rather than losing a baby, they talk about gaining a family and everything that implies, from attending their child’s birthday party to going away on vacations.
So placing a baby for adoption doesn’t mean you don’t care about your baby or that you’re selfish. And it’s not the easy way out.
Just because your baby is unplanned doesn’t mean he’s unwanted.
If you’re still unsure about whether you’re making the right decision, speak to a pregnancy or adoption counsellor.
She can help you work through your feelings and show you whether the fix you’re in is temporary or permanent. Plus, she can share resources that can help you with whatever decision you make.
As well, speak to others who have gone down the same path to see how they handled their situation. With their help, try to visualize what your life will be like a) if you parented or b) if you went through with your adoption plan.
How do you think you’ll feel 5, 10 or 15 years from now?
If you parented, would you have enough time, support and resources to provide your child with the life he or she needs?
On the other hand, what would your child’s future — and yours — look like if you chose adoption?
No matter what you decide, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is never easy.
The important thing is to make a decision and take ownership of it. Don’t blame others or yourself. Instead of dwelling on the “what-ifs” and “what-might-have-beens” of the past, focus on the future — and what you want your life to look like.
Adoption may be the hardest thing you ever do. But many women who have placed before you say it was the best thing they ever did. Take your time and make the decision that’s right for you, keeping in mind that placing your baby alone doesn’t make you a bad person any more than going through with your plan makes you a good one.
What do you think is the hardest part about placing your baby for adoption? What has helped you to make your decision? Share your comments in the section below.