Don’t Adopt

This guest post is by Kerstin Lindquist, an adoptive mother and author.  

Don’t adopt.

Don’t adopt because you think you want to.
Don’t adopt because it’s the cool thing to do.
Don’t adopt because celebrities do.
Don’t adopt because it’s an “option.”

It’s not that simple.

Don’t adopt if you’re not ready to lose everything.
Not just a little, but all of it.
Don’t adopt when your partner isn’t one hundred percent on board,
You can’t do this without their support.
Don’t adopt if you’re not prepared to get your heart broken.
Not just tomorrow but for the rest of your child’s life.
Don’t adopt if you aren’t willing to deal with the prejudice in your families’ eyes, in your friend’s words, in societies double standards.

Because you’re just not ready.

Don’t adopt for attention.
Don’t adopt for your status.
Don’t adopt if you can’t handle the injustice.
Don’t adopt if you can’t stomach the whispers.
Don’t adopt until you know what you are really getting into.

Please, don’t adopt.

Don’t adopt until you are willing to give up every last scent of savings, of retirement, of any hope of that dream house by the bay.
Don’t adopt until you can accept a child that doesn’t look like you, act like you, feel things like you do.
Don’t adopt if you think an adopted child is just like a biological one. 
They aren’t, they never will be. They have lost so much more.
Don’t adopt unless you are ready to have your heart torn wide open.
As every pain she feels throughout her life becomes your own.

But, do adopt.

Do adopt when there is no other way to take away the ache you feel at being without this child.

Do adopt when money doesn’t matter.
Do adopt when it stops being about you.
Do adopt when you are both on board.
Do adopt when your marriage can handle it.

Then you do it!

Do adopt when you are ready to accept that you can and will love a stranger as much, if not more, than any flesh of your flesh.

Do adopt when you are ready to be torn open and exposed to a love that is unexplainable; different than what you may feel for your biological child; more passionate, protective, and painful.

Do adopt when you can live with the fact that there will always be another mom, another dad, and another history in your child’s life that will at times make you feel like you will never measure up, no matter how fiercely you prove your love.

Do adopt when you’re ready to be an unconventional family, a mixed race family, and at times an isolated family.

Do adopt when you’re ready to save a life.

Not just the first day you bring him home but as you fight for that child, adolescent, young adult’s life until the day you die.

Do adopt when you can admit this is not your child but a gift from God that He has decided you can handle.

Because you can’t.

You cant handle how hard adopting will be.

But He can. And without Him you will fail. But with Him, you will do exactly what He put you on earth to do. Be a mother to the motherless, a father to the fatherless, and a warrior for love.

Now you do it, now you adopt.

Kerstin Lindquist helps families speak openly about their struggles with infertility and adoption. An Emmy award winning broadcast news journalist and author of 5 Months Apart: A story of Infertility, Faith and Grace. The e-book version is free on Amazon this week in celebration of National Adoption Month. Her first job is mom of three, but she spends a good portion of her time as an on air host at QVC. Find out more here, here and here,

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