Ever since we were babies, we’ve wanted to be daddies.
Fatherhood has always been our ultimate life goal. So ultimate that my husband Jeff, and I began discussing our thoughts on adoption and raising a family even before our first official date.
The first date sealed the deal. It was absolutely love at first sight. It was exhilarating to realize all the ways we were compatible — but especially as future co-parents. The planets aligned for us in a big way. All of our dreams suddenly felt possible!
So we began to make it possible!
First, we made honest men out of each other and got married in a very simple court house ceremony. (#JustMarried #JustUs) We preferred to save our money to start our family instead of throwing a big bash. (But our 10 year anniversary will be EPIC.)
Then — wanting to be closer to our tribe — we moved cross country to Denver be with my sister and her family, including our two nephews: Graham (5) and Aiden (3). (It takes a Village, and these are our Village People.)
Next, we started to research “how to adopt” in our new state. We found an attorney, we found an agency, and we found America Adopts!
It was thrilling to begin this journey. We were finally fulfilling a lifelong dream. But as it unfolded, I kept finding myself flinching. Everyone we encountered along the way was absolutely wonderful, but I kept bracing for rejection.
It’s remarkable that we’re on this journey at all. As gay men in their mid-thirties we grew up in a time when our dreams of falling in love, getting married and starting a family just seemed impossible. Forbidden, even.
Our families loved us unconditionally, but the world beat into us that as gay people we would never find love or have a family of our own. I grew up terrified of being gay bashed to death, and having the Westboro Baptist Church show up to scream at my funeral.
Things have improved dramatically in the decades that have followed. With the benefit of perspective we no longer believe the hateful lies we were told as big-hearted little boys.
Fast forward to present day…
After two months of hard work, our labor of love: our adoption profile website, was finally ready to be shared with the world. I’ve worked in digital marketing for nearly 20 years, so it was an absolute joy to use my whole skill set to build the site that will find the baby we’re destined to call our own.
We stood together and clicked “publish.” We officially announced to the world “we’re a gay couple adopting!”
I was immediately flooded with anxiety.
The sudden flip from excitement to terror was really confusing.
Our site was a huge source of pride – so why was I bracing for impact?
I realized that I wasn’t afraid of being rejected – but I was terrified that my DREAM would be rejected. I was afraid we’d suddenly become the target of hate mail informing us that the dream we held most dear was forbidden to us.
What actually unfolded couldn’t have been further from my fears.
We’ve received an overwhelming outpouring of love and support. It’s still taking our breath away. Friends, family, colleagues, and complete strangers have been coming out of the woodwork to congratulate us, to celebrate our journey, and to share our story. Over the span of just a few days the website has been shared 100’s of times – always accompanied by a heartfelt story or endorsement of us.
“Life seldom lives up to our anxieties.”
This experience has helped us break down some very old walls – so we’re going to let that fear go, and move forward with open hearts, open minds, and open arms. (A life lesson that will absolutely be shared with our child.)
It has been wonderful to feel so loved and accepted. This has filled us with hope and optimism for the future of our family, and for the future of our world. We cannot wait to tell our adopted child not only how much WE longed for them, but also how much the internet longed for them too!
We’ve always known that adoption would be an unpredictable journey – I think I had just assumed it would be unpredictable in a painful way. Instead it’s been unpredictably joyful, validating, and full of love.
So now we wait – but with more confidence than ever before.
We don’t know where, when or how, but we do know that our baby is on their way to us: their big-hearted daddies.
Nick & Jeff are husbands, best friends and uncles from Colorado who are ready to add “daddies” to the list. Learn more about them at their website.
Do you have an adoptive parent or open adoption story? Email us any time or find out more about how to share it with our community.