How I Became A Birth Grandmother And Learned The True Meaning Of Open Adoption

This guest post is by Janet, a birth grandmother and blogger. 

birth-grandmother-with-babyWhen my 19-year-old, unmarried daughter came to my husband and I, and told us she was pregnant, we were understandably upset. Even though I had been worried about her for a long time, I was still unprepared to hear this news. She then told us that she had already decided that she was going to choose adoption.

We were immediately supportive, and told her we loved her and would support her decision and help her anyway we could. I couldn’t sleep that night thinking of everything she was about to face. There were many more sleepless nights to come.

From that moment on I was by her side every step of the way. Even though I seemed strong on the outside, I was very torn up on the inside. This was my very first grandchild. I had so looked forward to being a grandma. Now, my grandchild was going to be given to another family?

birthmother-with-babyIn my heart I knew it was the right thing for both my daughter and the baby, but I still struggled with my feelings. However, I never told these feelings to my daughter.

I didn’t want to influence her one way or the other. I knew it had to be her decision.

My daughter was much stronger than me, she never doubted or waivered. She was so courageous.

I spent a lot of time praying for my daughter, and for the little girl she was carrying.

I prayed for guidance for my daughter to find the right family to adopt her child. But, most of all, I prayed for strength and for comfort for all of our family. I often felt peace, and the feeling that everything was going to be okay.

Months went by, and my daughter still had not been able to find a couple she felt good about. She had looked at hundreds of couples on the online profiles, but none of them seemed to “feel” right.

As we were looking one day, I saw again a couple that we had previously looked at. I was drawn to many things about them. I suggested that she email them. That email turned in to many emails back and forth, and finally a face-to-face meeting.

The couple flew to Utah and met with my daughter, my husband, and me. We ended up spending a lot time with them that weekend. By the end of the weekend, my daughter had a calm and happy feeling, and knew they were the couple that was supposed to raise her daughter.

adoptive-parents-birthmother-babyThat night she told them that she wanted them to adopt her little girl. My whole family, including my husband and my other 4 children were there.

There was not a dry eye in the room. All my fear, doubt and dread left me, and I had no doubt that my granddaughter was supposed to be raised by this beautiful, wonderful couple.

In December of 2009, my daughter gave birth to a perfect baby girl. Forty-eight hours later, after spending every possible second in the hospital with her sweet baby, she signed the adoption papers and handed her into the loving arms of her new parents.

My family and I shed many tears, but we never doubted that this was what God wanted for this baby.

adoptive-familyWe are so fortunate to have an open adoption. During my daughter’s pregnancy, I learned about open adoption.

I had never heard of it before, so it took a while for the idea to grow on me. When it finally did, I was all for it.

You mean I can still see my granddaughter grow up? I can be part of her life? Yes! Yes!

It has been four years since the adoption, and we continue to stay close to the adoptive couple and to our granddaughter. Even though they live in another state, we visit them, and they come to visit us.

We text, call and Skype with them. Open adoption has been such a blessing in the lives of our family, but also in the lives of the adoptive family. I like to believe that having more family that loves her is a blessing to my granddaughter as well.

birth-and-adoptive-familyThe adoptive couple has been so good to my birth-mom-daughter, and to our family. They fly her out to stay with them at least once a year. Our family goes to visit them and stays in their home. They stay in ours.

They understand the true meaning of “open”. Open communication, open hearts, and open lives together. We are one family.

Janet is a birth grandmother who blogs at The Birth Grandma Chronicles.

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