How to Find Birthmothers Without An Agency

Finding birthmothers without an agency is possible if you’re trying to adopt a baby.

But before you start your birthmother search, be sure you’re using the right terminology: Birthmothers are women who have placed their baby for adoption. The placement may have taken place recently or it could have happened years ago. 

It’s more likely that you’re looking for expectant mothers—women who are pregnant and may be looking at adoption for their baby.

It may sound like a nitpick but it’s an important distinction.

First of all, some expectant mothers you connect with might bristle at the idea of being called a birthmother. Because until she signs that piece of paper terminating her rights to her baby, she isn’t one. 

She’s simply a pregnant woman who may not be ready to parent and is looking at her options. And one of those options may include creating a placement plan.

But thinking about adoption and going through with one are two very different things. She may move forward with her plan. The again, she may not. 


Considering that a good percentage of expectant mothers change their minds about placement, there’s a strong likelihood that she may decide to parent.  

Also, knowing clearly how to describe the person you’re reaching out to (an expectant mother, not a birthmother) will save you oodles of time, money and frustration down the road.

This is especially true if you’re thinking of creating an online advertising campaign and not sure which keywords to use.

Keep in mind that many pregnant women have never heard of the term, “birthmother.” It’s not until they begin their adoption counselling or start Googling it that they come to understand its meaning. 

There Are Many Ways To Find An Expectant Mother Without An Agency

Finding an pregnant woman with an adoption plan without the assistance of an agency is possible, but it ain’t always easy. Some of the main ways that hopeful parents usually do it include:

  • Word of mouth, through family and friends
  • Online through websites, social media and ads
  • Even community newspapers and bulletin boards

Before COVID-19 hit, you might have tried to find a pregnant woman with an adoption plan at crisis pregnancy centers, churches, doctor’s offices or hospitals. But now it’s harder than ever to enter those kinds of physical settings, which is just as well, since going there for the purposes of adoption networking is generally frowned on. 

Creating a website or a social media account on Instagram or Facebook is still one of the most popular, affordable and effective ways to find an expectant mother with an adoption plan. (Fathers are also involved, of course, but usually they take a backseat role in the process. In many cases, there is no father or the identity of the father is unknown, which is one of the factors behind the creation of an adoption plan in the first place).

Create Your Own Adoption Website Or Social Media Account

Having your own adoption website will give you an online presence. Through it you can tell your story in words an pictures. When writing your letter, try to paint a picture of your life in a way that makes you stand out. It’s all in the details–the little things matter. Whether it be taking about your favorite movies or your favorite sport, those are the things that will grab an expectant mother’s attention and ultimately create a connection.

Creating a dedicated social media account is another great way to make connections. It’s also a lot easier and cheaper to build and maintain than a website. Use it to give expectant mothers a glimpse into your life. Share updates about important events, milestones, and things you like to do, see, eat or read. Try to update it on a regular basis and avoid making it too self-promotion-y. It’s ok to sell yourself, just don’t do it too often or too much. 

Sign Up With A Self-Matching Adoption Profile Service

If you don’t have the budget to create a website or the time to maintain a social media account you might want to consider an online parent profile service or self-matching adoption site like ours. We’ll create and promote your profile for you, and you can make changes anytime at no extra charge.

Got a big family event coming up that you’re planning to take pictures of and share in your profile? Planning to add a “Top 10” list of things you like to do to the “About Us” section? You can do them anytime.

Self-matching adoption sites can give you more control over your outreach efforts and peace of mind that you’re being active. Because your profile can be viewed 24/7 by expectant parents and their family and friends across the country, making a connection could happen at any time. 

Keep in mind that whether you’re working alone or with an agency, you’ll still need to go through all of the necessary social and legal steps to get your adoption finalized,. 

Posting Your Profile Online Has Pros And Cons

Posting your profile online on a adoption profile or self-matching site like ours has its pros and cons. On the one hand, it allows expectant parents to reach out to you directly, potentially creating connections faster and easier than if you were working with an agency.

On the other hand, it also means leaving yourself open to more scammers since you’ll be vetting all of the responses directly yourself rather than having an agency sift through them for you. 

To wrap up: finding birthmothers—or more accurately, expectant mothers considering adoption—is possible without an agency.

But finding a match on your own is always riskier. As long as you’re extra careful that the person connecting with you is not only legit but really does have an adoption plan for her baby, adopting a baby could happen sooner than you think.   

Learn more about our adoption profile plans.