I’m A Birthmother And I’m Proud Of It

This guest post is by Alysia Foote, a birthmother.


When you think of the “typical” birthmother, what do you see in your mind?

People tend to be reactionary when they first hear a birthmother story.

It hurts. It stings, but I have learned there is an action for every reaction. It is my opportunity to educate.

All birthmothers place for the same reason when it comes down to it. For the love of our children.

The ultimate, sacrificial love that no one can deny us of having.

We are unique and because of that we have had to fight through so many obstacles in being accepted in to the world of adoption.

I am a birthmother to two beautiful children.

A little girl that is wise beyond her years and God sent and a little man that is the apple of his Mommy and Daddy’s eyes.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and we are the proud Mom and Dad to four children that we parent and two that we placed in their forever family’s arms.

Circumstances in life and bad choices on our part brought us to the path of our first placement. When we placed our little girl we knew that we could not provide the life for her that she deserved or needed.

It was the single most painful experience I have ever endured in my life.

I stuffed my feelings for years and pretended that the title of birthmother did not exist. What a horrible mistake that was.

Not only did I prevent myself from healing, but I also prevented my entire family from being a part of this amazing little girl’s life. We didn’t celebrate her. We didn’t put her into our “family portrait”.

alesia-footeWhen we placed for the second time we knew what to expect, but I could never imagine how much our lives would change, and for the better.

Circumstances were a bit different and the need for placement was mostly on a physical level.

Our children were involved in every step. The choosing of the family, the planning, and the “see you later’s”.

Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that placing for the second time would bring us such immense closure.

We are a birth family. We have a family portrait hanging on our wall like any other ‘cookie cutter’ family, but ours is different.

It’s unique. We love to watch these littles grow and know that through our sacrifice, families were created.

My children are educators of the beauty of adoption.

How proud am I of that? We miss them together. As a family. I have the most amazing relationship with my little girl’s Mama.

She’s someone I consider to be one of my best friends. She has pulled me through my darkest moments and I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. Without adoption, I would not know the true beauty of “being in it for the long haul”.

We have met so many people through our journey. People that will forever be imprinted in our hearts. We have learned to love hard and give thanks for every opportunity in life through our journey.

I have found my passion in my journey.

I am a birthmother and I wear that title proudly.

Placement is one of my greatest tragedies and accomplishments all rolled in to one.

We are a birth family. My husband and I, our children’s adoptive families and, of course, our children.

Alysia Foote lives in Las Vegas, NV. She and her husband have been together 23 years, ever since high school. She works as an insurance agent for a small independent agency.

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