This guest post is by Andrea, a birthmother.
Last November I found out I was 4 months pregnant. I was shocked. No way it could have been true because I took Plan B right after unprotected sex.
Looking down at the positive pregnancy test, it felt as if God had placed a hand on my shoulder and told me that my child was going to be placed for adoption.
I think the absolute biggest misconception about birthmothers is that we’re unfit people who just “give up” their babies.
Another myth is that we can’t take care of ourselves and don’t have anything to do with our children once they’re placed.
Let me tell you a little bit about my situation: I work a full time job to support myself. I’m a responsible adult. And I have a very open adoption with my daughter’s adoptive parents.
I chose adoption because I knew that she needed two parents, a mom and a dad, who could be there for her and give her everything she needed.
I was working extremely long, crazy hours at the time and was struggling just on my own.
Because I never wanted to have kids or get married, finding out I was pregnant and having to make such a big decision was very hard.
The family that owns the barber shop where I work told me they knew of a family dying to adopt.
That night I talked to Amy, the hopeful adoptive mother, on the phone and we automatically clicked.
At that moment, I knew that’s where my baby belonged.
I liked the fact that Amy and her husband, Brandon, were older, that Amy stayed at home, and that they lived in a small town and had animals. Plus, Amy was willing to have the open adoption I prayed for.
This was two weeks after I found out I was pregnant. We spent the rest of my pregnancy bonding and preparing for a baby.
I gave Amy and Brandon a gender reveal and we took family maternity pictures. Amy and I texted everyday and talked about everything.
And she came to visit me and I went to visit her before Olivia was born. We spent a lot of time together and really built a relationship. Amy was in the delivery room as well. It was amazing.
Since placement, it’s been an emotional roller coaster. Some days are great. But some days I can’t get out of bed.
A few people have made negative comments about adoption but then they see that I’m very much a part of Olivia’s life. I didn’t abandon her and I never will.
I think about her every single day. Amy and I still have a close as ever relationship and I see Olivia on a monthly basis.
My relationship with Amy and Brandon works out so well because of boundaries.
I respect her as Amy as Olivia’s mommy and I let her know I appreciate the daily pictures/monthly visits every chance I get. She doesn’t have to do that for me so I make sure not to take it for granted.
We are very very open about everything. We talk about our hopes, fears, annoyances. Everything.
My advice for an expectant mother considering adoption is to pray a lot and lean on your support system. God will guide you whichever the direction you are meant to go.
My advice for hopeful adoptive parents is to express what you really want and really try to build a relationship with your child’s birth mom and to follow through with what you talk about before birth.
She will be family for the rest of your life.
I love our open adoption and hope that one day it’s the only kind of adoption. Being able to see Olivia grow, I don’t feel like I “gave up” anything.
Through open adoption, I gained another family. I have a chance at chasing my dreams and Olivia has the life I could only dream about.
All I could hope for her is her happiness. Even if it wasn’t with me.
Andrea is a hairstylist, student (hopeful double major in criminal justice/psychology) and pug mama. Visit her birthmom/life style blog here.
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