The Most Important Question Of My Adoption Journey

This guest post is by Angela Boucher, an adoptive parent.

“Why?” is only a three-letter word yet it has so much power. “Why?” is a question I not only asked myself but was also asked so times times at various stages throughout my adoption journey.

At first, when I asked myself “Why?” it was in the context of “Why can’t I become pregnant “ or “Why isn’t this happening for us”? You see my journey was filled with “Whys?“

After several months of trying to get pregnant my husband and I went to a reproductive specialist. We quickly started treatment to build our family through IVF.

Our unexpected journey was emotionally, financially, and physically exhausting for both of us. We completed multiple rounds of intrauterine insemination (IAI) and then did six rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF).

During this time I often asked myself again “Why?” People in my life, my friends,  family members and neighbours were in the process of building  their families yet my husband and I were not.

Our journey became all consuming and isolating and of course we kept asking ourselves that question again: “Why?” 

For our last round of IVF we chose to move forward with an egg donor and yet again I was asked “Why?’ My answer is simple, at least for us it was simple.

I wanted to experience childbirth and my husband wanted a biological connection. That last cycle also failed and we were at our lowest and darkest point in our journey.  And yet again we couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”

Over the next few months we processed our grief and mourned our  losses. We chose to move forward with a new sense of hope and purpose.

 I came to realise that it wasn’t just about pregnancy. It was about motherhood because motherhood lasts a lifetime. We researched, we networked and we began our adoption journey.

Along the way we were asked again “Why?”: Why not just accept that you’re not supposed be parents? Why don’t you understand that children may not be a part of God’s plan for you and  your husband?

As we moved to choosing an agency we were asked why adopt internationally or domestically? The question of why always seemed to be there. 

What I can say for certain is that it didn’t matter to me why . My husband and I just knew that we had to continue to pursue her dreams of parenthood. Neither of us understood why but we knew all could do was follow our hearts and pray that one day, one way or another, it would happen.

We choose a domestic agency and began showing our parent profile book in July 2011. In January 2012 we were selected by an expectant mother.

Yet again there was a “Why”: Why now? Why us? And, of course, why would she like us? The night she went into labour we were with her at the hospital.

Across the hall another woman was in labour and the hallway was filled with her family. They  were holding balloons and flowers—waiting to welcome a new life into the world.

Yet across that hallway we sat quietly sharing our hopes and dreams while shedding tears and praying for our little boy to enter the world.

And yes, of course, “Why?” entered my mind again. Why couldn’t we be surrounded with friends and family? Why are we alone? At one point our son’s birth mother asked me why?

And it was a question I will never forget . As tears ran down both our faces I told her that I didn’t know why, I just knew that I always loved him and I always would.

Nothing would ever change that love or our bond. After all, love comes from your heart not from your blood type or your biology .

Adoption was simply what forged our family bond. Sixteen days later we drove across several states and spent numerous hours driving home as a new family. 

I will always remember what my husband and I experienced as we turned into our neighbourhood. Balloons and welcome signs lined our street and were plastered across the front of our home.

The friends, family and neighbours that couldn’t come to the hospital on the night our son was born were there waiting to welcome us and him home.

At that moment I realised this was why. This was supposed to be our story and this was our journey to becoming a family. And “Why?” no longer mattered!

Angela Boucher is an adoptive mother.

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