I Used To Fear My Son Would Hate Me For Placing Him. Open Adoption Changed That.

This guest post is by Makena, a birthmother. 

Happiness: Where does it come from?

Many people say “I will be happy when…” as though the only time you can be happy is when you get something or get to a certain stage in life.

But being happy in the here and now is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

When I was expecting my birthson, Mason, I remember I would wish for things.

I would think to myself that once my boyfriend talked to me again, I would be happy. But then I realized that wasn’t going to make me happy.

It bothers me when people live their lives in the future because you can’t. You have to live your life in the here and now.

Hoping is not a bad thing in itself, but hoping for happiness based on the outcomes of other things is.

As an individual you have full control over your attitude and how you feel. Even when the hardest and worst challenge is thrown at you, you can still choose to be happy.

In the hospital where I gave birth to and eventually placed Mason, one of the nurses who took care of me shared a few of her personal experiences.

She told me how blessed she was with having a child after several miscarriages. I asked her how she could keep going through the same process over again and again so many times.

She replied that even though it hurt and was hard, she knew she could have a child one day. She said she chose to be happy, even when it was hard to feel that way.

I look up to people like her, people who choose to be optimistic. Over the years, I’ve heard all of the the scary adoption stories about birth mothers who stopped getting updates from their birth child’s adoptive parents.

I knew that Mason’s parents were the right parents for him and I would be happy with my decision for the rest of my life, no matter what happened.

The way I see it, everything is a matter of perspective. Even though blessings sometimes are hard to see, it’s important to be happy and grateful for every experience that comes your way.

Sometimes all you need to do is open up and take the blinders off your eyes to see the beauty all around you.

Over three years has passed by since I placed Mason with his family. Three years of holidays, birthdays, and get-togethers. This last year I had an amazing time, more than I could have wished for.

Every time I would go towards the door or put on a jacket because I was cold, Mason would run to the door and hold it shut because he didn’t want me to leave.

Four years ago when I was expecting Mason, I never would have thought that I could have this much of a presence in his life because I had chosen to place him.

I used to fear that as he got older that he would hate me. With our open adoption he gets to know who I am, and I get to see how loved he is.

When I’m not there, there are some of the strongest birth mothers I know in his life. I never worry about him not being loved.

After I placed Mason for adoption, I am glad I chose to be happy in the here and now and not lived in the “when this happens I’ll be happy” mindset.

Makena is a birth mother from Idaho who placed her birth son in 2014. She now mentors expectant mothers who are planning to place their children and works with an adoption organization in her community.

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