Waiting To Adopt Can Be Maddening. Here’s How To Not Go Crazy

This guest post is by Paige Knipfer, an adoptive mother.

I’ve currently found myself in the waiting process of adopting once again. It’s one of the most dreaded parts of the adoption journey.

You’ve done everything in your power to get to this point. You’ve had tasks to complete to get you home study ready.

You’ve worked on your profile book endlessly. You rush only to wait.

You go a little crazy reaching out to anyone and everyone to help assist you in finding a match. You feel like you are never doing enough to find your future family member.

You may also be fundraising and finding that many grants/scholarships require you to already have a match. You feel sad and worry that you might never get “the Call.”

You feel out of control, which for a control freak is an awful feeling. You are now using retail therapy to feel better. Your emotions yo-yo from happy, excited, sad, you name it.

Sound like you?

If so, keep this in mind: You are where you are supposed to be in this process for a reason.

Find peace by living in the moment. If you don’t have any kiddos enjoy that you can just pick and road trip or travel.

Do things as a couple or that may have been on your “to do/wish list” for a long time.

If you have a kiddo like me, you may find you enjoy one-on-one time with your kiddo or your family the way it currently is before your status changes.

Have mantras that you repeat to yourself like, “I can and will adopt” “Be in the moment” “This will be all worth it”.

I can tell you after having gone through this process once before —and now in the process of adopting a second—that adoption will happen for you, as long as you do it with determination and perseverance.

I will also tell you to enjoy your life now because it will never be the same again. I will also say that all this craziness and emotions will solidify its meaning in the end.

You will eventually realize why you had to wait and why things in this process played out the way they did. Those small things and decisions will lead you to YOUR child.

Good or bad, those moments are meant to be in order to get you to where you are supposed to go.

A couple suggestions during the wait:

  • Continue networking with agencies, facilitators, consultants to find a match.
  • Share your profile and get feedback.
  • Work on your letter of what you would say to an expecting mom.
  • Look at gift ideas for her too.
  • Meet others either online and near you who are going through the adoption process too.
  • Research grants, scholarships, and fundraising ideas.
  • Save. Start fundraising. Start buying some baby items that bring you joy. If assembling the nursery gives you hope, do that too!
  • Join a fitness class or some regular workout routine. Do yoga.
  • Read anything and everything motivational and adoption related.Join a network group or bible study.
  • Consistency and routine makes the time go faster.

Also know that once you are matched these range of emotions and worry do not go away.

You may feel a small sense of relief but remember your journey continues in a million different directions at this point.

Try not to worry about things you have no control over. I know, easier said than done.

Remember, try to breathe and enjoy this moment in your journey. It’s a scary time, but an exciting one as well!

Paige Knipfer is a trainer for a financial institution, an adoptive mom, wife, mentor to a high school student, volunteer, and avid traveler (Semester at Sea alumni). She loves to share her adoption experiences and assist anyone interested in learning more about the process @PaigeKnipfer.

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