What I Wish I Could Say to My Daughter’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Paige Knipfer, an adoptive mother.  

Dear Maggie,

We have yet to have our daughter as long as you did. She is now six months but you carried her for nine months.

You carried her all that time knowing that you would eventually place her for adoption. To me, that is the true definition of humility and sacrifice.

You chose to keep her in this world and provided us with a family.

Although it’s a closed adoption and there isn’t a lot I know about you, I imagine that you experienced offensive comments and questions as you went through your pregnancy and created your adoption plan.

So the first thing I want to say is that I’m sorry for what you went through.

I’m not sure what made you pick us but I feel so very fortunate that you did.


Not being able to have children was heart-breaking for us. So words cannot begin to explain how much we appreciate you.

I think about you daily. I think about you whenever I look at our daughter. I think about how happy I am to be a mother and how my life feels fulfilled because of you.

I have never known or wanted to be anything other than a mother.

But no matter how happy your decision has made me, it has also caused me great pain.  I worry about you constantly.

I know that you are hurting and I hope that you will seek help and that one day you will heal.

In the meantime, I hope you realize how truly amazing our daughter is. I wish you could see her personality, her incredible heart-melting smile, and warm glowing giggle.

I don’t want you to ever feel like you will be forgotten or not mentioned.

I have a matching necklace to yours that I plan to give our daughter when she is old enough.

I also bought a matching stone to the one we gave you for her. I created a storybook about her adoption which includes pictures of you and of your state, and even coasters from your favorite restaurant.

I also just had a jewelry piece made which contains our daughter’s birthstone, my husband;s and my birthstone, and yours. You will always be a part of her story.

I hope to that one day we have a strong and healthy relationship with you. I always envisioned being able to talk to you directly rather than through our agency.

I hope someday that we can talk about the future together and that you will find peace with your decision.

I hope that you know you made the right decision by choosing us and that you know that we are doing the best we can for our daughter to provide her with opportunities for the future.

I wish you knew more about us beyond our profile and the paperwork we filled out.

I wish I could do something to validate your decision in picking us.

For me, the hardest part of the adoption is the worry and concern I feel  for you.

I can’t imagine what you are going through but I’m thinking of you and wishing you all the best in the world.

Our daughter’s birth was the happiest and saddest day of my life. I was happy because I became a mom but I was sad because I felt your pain that day.

I hope you know how much your daughter is loved and how thankful we are to be parents because of you.



Paige Knipfer is a trainer for a financial institution, an adoptive mom, wife, mentor to a high school student, volunteer, and avid traveler (Semester at Sea alumni). She loves to share her adoption experiences and assist anyone interested in learning more about the process @PaigeKnipfer.

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