10 Things Only Birthmothers Know

This guest post is by Amanda, a birthmother and author.

When I discovered I was pregnant I knew adoption was the right choice and I was prepared to make that decision.

However I never anticipated the emotional journey that would follow.

The following list is meant to give insight into the range of feelings and emotions birthmothers experience long after the adoption takes place.


  1. The jolt you feel in your heart every time you see a mother cuddling her newborn, especially in the months right after the adoption.
  1. The feeling of loss and despair when you leave the hospital without the baby you carried for nine months.
  1. When you smile and cry at the same time when looking at pictures of the child you placed, because you feel joy over them but your heart still hurts for them.
  1. The strange realization that your body is recovering from the pregnancy when your milk supply dries up, but understanding the emotional recovery will take much longer.
  1. The awkward conversation of telling someone your experience as a birthmother and not being sure what they think afterwards.
  1. The paradox of being excited for a visit then dreading the struggle that comes once the visit is over.
  1. Knowing that your birth child is being raised in a much better environment than you could have provided but feeling slightly disappointed that you weren’t able to provide that yourself.
  1. Wondering how long it will take for the heartache to subside.
  1. Thinking about the child you placed at Christmas, at your friend’s baby shower, at his/her birthday, and every day in between.
  1. What sacrificial love truly looks like.

Amanda Miah is a birthmother from Kentucky who moved to England, where she lives with her husband and two children. She is the author of Placing Bets, the story of her experience with adoption and the incredible journey that followed.

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