A Letter To Myself Before I Became An Adoptive Mom

This guest post is by Angela Boucher, an adoptive mother.

Dear Angela,

As you wait to adopt, there are so many things to say.

The most important thing I will say is never, ever give up your unflinching hope to one day become a mother.  

Hold onto your dreams of being a mother.  Believe that your dream is worth working for and that nobody nor anything will stop you from achieving it.  

Dreams can come true. The harder you work for them the sweeter they are in the end.

I understand how hard the journey to adopt can be.  The waiting can seem to last forever.

My advice to you is to do your best to live within the moment.  Try to find joy in each day.  


Do things that made you feel good,  like volunteering.  Giving back will keep you feeling encouraged and positive.

When you begin your adoption journey you will be conditioned to expect the worst.  

How could you not be after years of trying everything and anything to become a parent,  and always falling?

Your biggest fear will be that your adoption will fail—that, for whatever reason, it will not happen.  

Understand that this feeling is completely normal after all of the many disappointments you’ve been through.  

But no matter what, don’t give up.

If you believe it will happen, and you continue to fight for that dream, it will happen.

Day after day tell yourself that it will.  Hold tightly onto that hope and, no matter what, never give up.

The dream of holding your child in your arms will help you get through the darkest of days.  

Reflect on what parenthood will be like or how it will feel as an adoptive parent.

Once you become a mom, it won’t matter that your son is adopted!

He will be your son and you wilI love him unconditionally.  

Some people will use the term “biological” to you when referring to their child. Don’t be upset.

Instead, you will feel sorry for them because they do not know what true unconditional love is. You will.  

After all, you will love from your heart, not from your blood type.

Yes, motherhood will come to you through adoption and you will consider that a blessing.

Yes, it will be true that your journey wlll be very different and unexpected.

And yes, it will be harder than you could ever have imagined.

But that journey will teach you so much about yourself and about true love, strength, and resilience,

While your husband and you prepare for your son’s adoption/birth, people will ask you all kinds of questions.

They will want to know anything and everything they can about your adoption plans.

Your response will always be the same.

You will not know how things will turn out. You can only hope for the best and not lose hope.

No two adoption stories have the same ending. Each person’s journey is their own.  

No one else can make decisions for you. You will control your own destiny.

You will overcome whatever obstacles are thrown in your way.  

And in the end you will create your own happy ending.

It may not be similar to your mother’s or your sister’s, but it will be unique to you. And you will not have it any other way.

You will chose to share your journey for the simple fact that in the end it gave you your greatest joy!

You will never forget  the day your husband and you will drive home with your son for the first time.

You will have driven nearly 11 hours across three state lines after weeks of staying in a hotel room with not one friend or family member.

When you pull into your driveway you will be greeted with balloons, friends, and family—each one of them holding signs filled with words of love, faith, and joy.

For years you dreamed of this moment. The moment your house would become a home. The day you would bring your child home!  

It will be the day your dream comes true.

As I write this letter I cannot help but look forward to the future, after the adoption of your child.

You will know with a sense of certainty that you will love for your son to become a big brother.

You will hold out hope that the day will come when your driveway is again lined with balloons welcoming home another child into our family!

You don’t know what the future will hold but you do know that you will never give up on that hope.

Wishing you only the best in your adoption journey,

An older, wiser Angela

Angela Boucher is an adoptive mother.

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