This guest post is by Jessalyn Bills from Birthmothers4Adoption

Adoption for any member of the triad is emotionally exhausting. It can be incredibly hard to navigate all the bits and pieces.

An adoptive couple has to deal with their infertility/sterility/or any other problem that may prevent them from bearing a child of their own.

They have to raise enough money. They have to sit through hours of paperwork, fine tuning profiles, and making sure every last detail is taken care of.

They then have the agonizing wait hoping they get chosen by birth parents to be placed with. After that they have to navigate post placement which could include bonding, more paperwork, open adoption, questions, and others.

A birthmother has to deal with carrying a child for nine months only to place that child with a couple forever. They look through profiles, sit through meetings, doctor appointments, physical body changes, and public opinion from all sides of the matter.

They have the agonizing pain to only spend a few short days if that with the baby. They then have to deal with grieving of every range, sense of loss, and possibly navigating their open adoption, learning how to move forward, and most importantly finding themselves all over again.

Adoptees struggles with incredible issues as well. They have to discover their identity. They may have to fight for any or all of their information. They have questions asked to them constantly. They too have to navigate either their closed or open situation. They deal with feelings such as loneliness, abandonment, or confusion at times.

All of these things are absolutely impossible to get through by yourself. 

The only way to successfully get through any part of the triad is to have a support system. An adoption support system is absolutely vital to help with any emotions, struggles, and pain.

There are support groups for all situations on Facebook, there are websites with information, there are counselors, family, friends, church, etc. I encourage you that no matter where you are in your adoption situation to find a support system to help you through.

The only reason I was successfully able to succeed through my adoption and grieving process was because I had friends to lean on, I had a birthmom group, I joined groups on Facebook, and I found every adoption activity possible.

Without that support group I would have sunk to the bottom never to return.

Jessalynn Bills placed a baby girl for adoption 5 1/2 years ago. She shares an amazing open adoption and relationship with the adoptive family and her birth daughter. She started a blog, Birthmothers4adoption, and now puts on retreats for birthmothers and adoptive couples. To see where the retreats are, visit adoptionmeets.wordpress.com

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