To Any Birthmother Who’s Having ‘One Of Those Days’

This guest post is by Andrea, a birthmother.

Adoption is so hard sometimes. It’s a life full of tears.

Before I chose adoption for my baby I was hardly an emotional person. That definitely has changed post-placement.

I cry weekly. And it’s expected. Especially in the first year.

The first year is the hardest year after placement. You will have days full of “what ifs” “whys” and “hows”.

You’ll be angry at everyone involved in your decision.

You will wonder if there was anything you could have done differently.

You will question what life would be like if you had parented.

That’s ok! You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have those thoughts and emotions.


And you wouldn’t be a true mother if you didn’t mourn the loss and love of your baby.

You are allowed to have days where you stay in bed all day and cry.

Throw in a good movie and chocolate too! Hug a fur baby or a stuffed animal. Look at pictures and watch videos.

Watching videos of my birth daughter with her brother helped ease the pain.

I could see how happy and loved she is. That’s all I could ever hope for.

She has a bond with her brother that is unbreakable. So take a moment for yourself.

Turn off your phone, take a bubble bath, watch a movie with good friends and eat lots of junk food!

Look at pictures of your sweet baby.

Above all stop questioning everything and beating yourself up over what has already happened.

You can’t change the past so don’t bother!

You made your adoption plan for a reason.

In fact, a counselor told me to make plans for myself. And I did.

Not only do I work full time, I’m a full time college student too. Bad days will come and go just as fast.

Take a minute for yourself and celebrate you for who you are and the amazing thing you did!

Andrea is a hairstylist, student (hopeful major in criminal justice) and pug mama. Visit her birthmom/life style blog here.

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